Letter to Ghana’s Christian God
I hope you are well and fine where ever you are.
This is just a quick note to let you know our government needs one of your quick-fix miracles urgently.
The government doesn’t have enough money in the national coffers. As I write this letter, they are even looking for $200million to build a chamber where the big politicians will go and sit and speak big big English and draft long long laws. The one they use currently is simply not comfortable enough for people of their kind and pedigree who are so dedicated to the national interest.
Apart from the parliamentary chamber, they really have good intentions and want to do something really monumental and memorable for you which by now I know you know. To demonstrate that their faith isn’t an empty one in the usual ‘God First’ cliche, they are looking for accommodation for you. I believe it was one of the first things they informed you about when they came to power. Do you remember when the president mentioned it the day he was inaugurated? I even saw and heard it on Metro TV.
Yes Lord, you heard me! They want to build a big big cathedral for you where you will live once and for all. You are just too ubiquitous for their liking. Don’t laugh God, I’m serious! The government isn’t happy with your Fulani lifestyle where you live and can be found just any and everywhere.
My Lord God, as you may well know by now, in Ghana, we have MTN which is everywhere you go. This slogan should sound very familiar to you God—(I am just pulling your divine legs), but it is precisely why I’m writing to ask you to kindly send our government some MTN mobile money as soon as possible. Make it a lot because the government needs so much money for rent advance for your house plus other things. By the way, have you seen how the government is already busy breaking down state-owned houses on the land they have allocated for you? They are serious about your house.
There are also practical reasons why you must send this money urgently, Lord. For example, the Europeans who normally give them money say they are experiencing some donor fatigue.
The Indians who sometimes give them money don’t even believe in you. Most of them are Hindus or even Sikh so our government feels shy to ask them for the money to build your house. How can a Christian nation use Hindu money to find accommodation for the caliber of Christian God that you are? What is Hindu money when Christ is the answer??
As for the Chinese, some of them are Buddhists. Many of them too don’t even believe you or anything exist so the government won’t even take money from them even if they offered it. It will be such a disgrace for Christians in power to accept money from atheists to build and accommodate you, God. If push comes to shove, they might take Chinese or Indian money for the new parliament chamber but never, I repeat never, will they take it for the cathedral where you will live once and for all.
As for the Japanese, they are mostly Shinto and that won’t make you happy that such rich unchristian nations should finance your accommodation. This is why I am writing to tell you to supply all the government’s needs according to your riches in Christ Jesus.
Dear God, today, I am keeping it short and simple. Will you pity my simplicity and grant this humble request? I know you are the lord God almighty and there is nothing too hard for you!
Amarkine Amarteifio. July 2019
Ps. God, don’t forget to let me know your thoughts about the new parliamentary chamber and also when you intend to give some housing breakthrough for the millions of unemployed homeless folks who sleep on our streets in Accra at night. I always find your opinion on such matters very interesting. Kindly let me know if you will be attending our Annual Flood Festival of Gutters and Plastics in Accra during next year’s rainy season.
As usual, send my love to J.C. your son. Tell him to respond to my mails on time.